I was walking one day in the world with so many labyrinths and saw
a lot of people, busy doing nothing. Saying some sort of shits about random
story of a particular person and sharing their own opinion to their
co-gossipers. As I keep on walking, there are so many things that run through
my mind. I was really confused and there are so many questions in the inside of
mine that needs an answer. How does this person do those things to me? Why do
they have to be so mean? Isn't it unfair? But I have no voice and
courage to speak those words. I'm afraid if stand up and
fight for my principles, I will just be criticized by the society where I
belong with. Who cares? Nobody dares to listen to my kind. Who am
I? I'm just a young blood with nothing, a girl with nothing to give
up but herself. I keep on running in this world, keeps on dreaming and trusting
myself even though I knew it will be another frustrations. I just want to
escape from this misery. I keep on moving, believing that someday, I will be
like them. How I wish to fill their shoes, becoming a successor of
their seats. I felt hopeless as I keep on walking. I think, I think too much.
Things became worst. I let them hold the pen while writing my own story. They
are the one who ruled and ruined my life. It's hard to be a victim in this
camaraderie. It's like my reflection in a mirror is distorted by socially
constructed ideas of "real person". I don't know how to say
those thoughts of mine. If I keep on explaining, People will say that I am defensive.
If I do the opposite and keep myself in silence, they will think that I am a
sinner. What the hell isn't it? I was a prisoner in their eyes.
They don't know me. They don't know my story. They just know my name
but not my story. They don't know the reason for every tear that rolls down on
my cheek every time I remember those melancholic days of my life
where they judge me and they became unfair to me. I just can't understand them.
I tried my best to make out and decipher things but I cannot. I just don't get
their pointless shit reasons. I'm sick and tired of neglecting them while they
are killing me behind my back using their words like knives. Yeah I know, you
don't have to remind me. You don't have to point out my imperfections and
mistakes in life as if I don't even really see them. I'm the sucker and the
loser in these hopeless dreams of mine. I screamed but nobody notice. *sigh*
It's unfair, that's the only phrase that utters in my mouth every time I saw
them laughing and cheering for the things that they don't even deserve. I used
to be in this position. The pain that you have given to me is so excruciating.
You know what? You are only proving that life is really unfair and the world is
full of crap and shits. At least I'm not like thee. A lair, numb. Look and wait
for my turn. Maybe next year, next month, next week, next day or tomorrow, I
will find some colours in this black and white world of us. I will be the one
who sits in your seat, sitting like a boss or worst; there is a big switching
between you and me. You'll see, and I’ll just wait.
